Sara

Ok, So I guess I should say hello.

Well, HI!

That good? um.....

Anyway, this whole thing might just jump around to different places. My mind right now, is just really off.

And this is about my heroes. A.K.A Smosh... a lot of you probably heard of them.

I know a lot of people say that they changed their lives, but I'm no different.

I saw their first video, The Pokemon Theme Song, when I was around 7 years old.

I loved that video, and I thank my cousin for showing it to me.

I never really stuck with them, since I did not have a computer at that time.

I was reintroduced to them last year, when my sister brought me back to the wonderful world of Smosh.

Literally, every night I was up til' around 3am watching every single Smosh video. My sister thought I was stupid because all I talked about was Smosh.

I decided to make a Twitter for the hell of it. I didn't ask my parents because I knew they would not allow me, and I just made one. My friend made one two, so we just followed each other. Just the two of us.

I never really talked to people, so I was kind of a loner (I know, stupid right?).

I actually blocked my first followers, I didn't want strangers seeing my tweets.

But I let my guard down, and did whatever the firetruck I wanted.

I ended up talking to a lot, and I mean a LOT of awesome people. Never in a million years could I have wanted better friends.

I have been going through a rough patch, keeping my thoughts to myself.

I have never opened up about myself. My family always thought of me as the tomboy who doesn't show much emotion. Well I am growing and don't want to be known as that girl anymore. 

I always think bad about myself. I don't like to wear make-up because I feel like it makes me look worse. And I never make my hair look pretty like the other girls. I just leave it natural.

I get criticized for it. My friends occasionally do, but usually it is when we joke around. My mom and my sisters, well, they like to do that a lot. I don't want to change my appearance and they need to realize that. The girl with glasses doesn't get the advantages.

But the feeling that overcomes me the most.....is..... sadness.

My family doesn't know this, but I actually cry myself to sleep.... it's bad.

I don't tell my friends because I don't want them telling anybody, especially my family. 

And I always act like I'm fine in front of them. And the crazy thing is, they believe it.

At home, to me, things are hell.

Yeah, it may not be as extreme as some of the other Smoshers, but I'm still gonna say.

Around two, almost three, years ago, my mom lost her job.

That....was a real deal breaker. 

We had to rely on my dad to work. But he had just gotten into a really bad car accident, causing us to now only have one car.

It always annoyed me how he'd always sit his ass on the computer or the couch and not do anything. And what he does with his money just plain pisses me off.

We had to try and fix life and cut on things. It was always a pain in the ass.

im just tired of the DRAMA

But my mom, she just got a job last year....finally. This has caused her to be gone for the night and my dad having to take care, i mean "take care", of us. He doesn't do shit. Like, seriously, he pushes everything on my sister and i. HE SITS HIS ASS DOWN AND DOESN'T DO ANYTHING! Dinner: Leftovers What i have to do: go clean.

Like really? WTF! I am tired of cleaning up things. (this now sounds like the teen who got her laptop shot O_O)

Wow... I feel like my mind is getting distracted. I can't focus on one thing... I might be missing things....

Well anyway, so things around my house get hectic... did i say that yet?

But um..... sometime i have thought in my head about..... injuring myself. I mean, i havent done it... which is a good thing. I actually have nightmares at night about it. pretty sucks.

But when smosh was back in my life, i swear to god, a door opened for me. I MADE FRIENDS! It is so hard for me to make friends because i think i am socially awkward. you should see me near my friends though, it involves a lot of dirty jokes and cursing (i am messed up).

Every day I talk about smosh, no matter what. When people say they hate them: FIRETRUCK YOU!

I get really defensive about them. They are my knights in shining armor. *awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*

I havent really thought about as many bad things since i started watching them again. i actually laugh when i watch something now. i havent laughed this much in a long time...... im grateful.

TO SMOSH:

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Thank you for being there for me when i'm alone and sad. my spirits are brightened when i see youre faces. YOU ARE MY WORLD!! I wear my smosh shirt every Friday because im loyal to the smosh crew. I just hope one day i get to meet you and can tell you everything in person.

This may not seem totally right...but in my head...all the words are there. so sorry if this all sounds just dumb.....

AND IF ANY OF MY FRANDS READ THIS... DONT TELL MY FAMILY xD