Brandi

I never thought it was possible, that two people who I've never met, could impact my life so significantly.

I guess I'll start from the beginning.

My name is Brandi, and well, here goes:

I was 14 years old, and had gotten a call from my friend. She was crying over the phone, and I couldn't understand her. As she spoke, her words were choppy but she managed to say my friend was in the hospital, and she was dying.

I didn't know what to do. I sat there crying, my hands shaking, my entire body going numb. It couldn't be true, but it was.

As we drove to the hospital I wanted to believe she'd be okay, and that it wasn't serious. However, it was.

She had a tumor on her brain stem....and she died within two days of knowing she had it.

I was in the room with her, as the machines went crazy, and I saw her body go lifeless.

It's an image I won't forget.

Not even two months after she passed, my mom left us, and ended up living with another guy.

The following month, my brother was escorted by cops and forced to live with his real dad.

Then school started.

I was failing everything, every single class, and had no friends. I would eat lunch alone. Sitting by lockers and watching as everyone else socialized. 

That's when I decided to cut.

I didn't intend for this to become an addiction, but it did. It would always help me. People say cutting is stupid, and for "Attention Seekers." However, it was like my drug. I needed it.

After a another year, my grandma got sicker.

And sicker.

Pretty soon, up until last year of 2011, she had her large intestine removed, her lung, she has to have a breathing tube, a feeding tube, and she almost died, over 5 times.

I remember crying myself to sleep every night, cutting, being stupid, hating myself.

But then, as I went to "Most Watched" on YouTube, I saw a video by Smosh.

I've seen their videos before but, never really got hooked.

This time though, I watched it for hours and hours.

And the weird thing was....

I didn't cut.

I had stopped. At least, for over 5 months.

My new addiction had become Smosh videos.

And as time had passed on, they replied to me on Twitter, and well, I felt great. I felt really important.

Their videos make my days that much more easier, and bearable.

Instead of hating Mondays through Fridays, I look forward to them, knowing there's Smosh videos that week.

Every week.

And every week, I can smile.

And let's not forget the fanbase, Smoshers, who've made me feel wanted and special. I don't feel weird or awkward, I feel....accepted.

So yes, Smosh has saved me.

They have helped me deal with depression,

And I believe that one day I can quit this nasty cutting addiction that I've had for over 3 years. In due time, I know in the end, I can finally stop.

And it's all thanks to them.