Alaana

Hi there. Ian, Anthony, if you’re reading this right now, I want you to know that I love you guys more than life. You mean the world to me. And I know this story is REAAAAALLY long, but please read it. It'll take you 5 minutes. Please? :3 (I put a kitty face so you must read it now) And sorry about not having perfect writing grammar, my head has been really messed up lately, and I don't feel like it going through it to proofread, so sorry about the mistakes and stuff.
I never though i would make it through the fact that after 6th grade my parents decided that they were going to switch me to another school where I knew no one. I had planned my whole life with my best friends that I’ve had since 2nd or 3rd grade. I had spent most of my life with some of my best friends, some we went back to when we were barely a few months old. So I wasn’t to happy about this whole thing. It didn't help my brothers would say things “get the hell out you fat ugly worthless woman.” and much other stuff was happening to me that I won't explain because... i just don't like to think about it. And they starting flooding in; suicide thoughts. almost everyday i broke down in my room and said i was gonna do it but always ended up not doing it. the abuse and hurt only got worse over june and july, but one day, on a sunday of august 2010, my brothers did the same to me. as usual i ran into my room and started crying. but this day it would be different. it would be my first attempt on suicide. i’m not gonna really go into detail about how i tried to commit suicide, because that doesn’t affect the story. however, it did end up to be a failed attempt. i passed out but didn’t die, which really only depressed me more. When I started school in September I hated it because no one liked me even if i did try to talk to someone. however, in that first month i met one of my bestfriends, who is like a sister to me, adriana lorente. Anyways, stuff got better at school but my family still abused me. i figured out my dad didn’t love or care about me because i heard him say it, my mother had started gone almost insane and couldn’t listen to any of her children. my brothers continued to physically and mentally hurt me. and when i say physically i don’t mean a brother-sister fight. it was them brutally abusing me and I had no way to defend myself. I'd be bruised, there'd be blood. I'm not gonna go into detail, but on of the days my brothers were abusing me, he threw me down, called me a stupid blonde worthless bitch. It wasn't the first time he called me that, but there was something about the way he said it that made it hurt a million times worse. It felt like a war was going on inside of me. I was confused, so I for some reason decided to punch a hole through his door. I grabbed my jacket and ran. As far away from home as I could. See, I live in a very ghetto town where a blonde, white, 12 year old girl like me slouched down by a brick wall beneath the street lights at 12 at night, isn’t going to do so well. Going out, I knew that, but I needed an escape, or else I was going to cut, or even have attempt another act of suicide. I knew I might’ve gotten raped or kidnapped, but I needed fresh air and an escape from the horrible people i knew as my family.

In december; my life changed. everything changed. i watched a video on youtube. from two guys. who were hilarious. who made me laugh when i never thought i could even smile again. their names? anthony danger padilla and ian firetrucking hecox. they have changed my life in so many ways words cannot describe it. nothing can. they are my world, and if they had never started making videos on youtube i don’t know where i would be today or if i’d even be alive. they have saved me from suicide multiple times. they have made me feel happy in the worst of times when i felt like everyone in the world hated me. when i watch their videos, everything seems to fade away; the depression, the scars on my arms, my anorexia, and all the other bad things in life.
To Smosh:
I love you guys. more than anything. though i haven’t met you guys i still feel like you’re the family i never had. just… i really don’t know what to say, you guys have saved my life and i really don’t know how to thank you. i wish i could repay you guys back somehow for everything that you’ve done for me. i don’t think they could ever invent any words to describe how much i thank you people. i know this doesn’t really seem like an interesting story or anything, but, it’s 100% true. it’s hard to explain everything. I hope to meet you guys one day so that i could at least thank you in person. please don’t ever ever ever stop making videos because you guys are my inspiration and hope. my world. my everything, not only to me, me thousands of other people. I haven't cut in 4 months, i have been healthily eating, and I haven't even thought about suicide. It's all because of you guys. so when you guys feel down, know that people around the world have had their lives saved because of you. they are your biggest fans and know everything about you guys, because you’re that awesome. once again.
I love you smosh. more than the world, more than anything.
p.s if i do find out you guys read this I’m gonna freak the fuck out and possibly have a seizure. but a seizure would be worth it. jk. i won’t really have a seizure…. well this is awkward but BAI. LOOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
- alanna vaughn. the biggest fan of smosh, ever.