Kagome

This is my story. I’ll try not to drag it on for ever.

So first, I bit. I would just clench onto my arms and feel the pain of my teeth sharply sinking in. But soon I felt that the marks were too ugly and the pain wasn’t enough. So I quickly went over to cutting. In the beginning, a few scratches at a time but before I knew it, I would cut endless lines up and down my thigh. I don’t like to look because it reminds me how trapped I sometimes am.

When I am alone, I like to think about why I cut and why I can’t be normal or happy about life. And the answer is I don’t know. Sometimes I yell at myself in front of the mirror and call myself dumb or ugly. I tell myself that the world will never care and I can never be good enough. Why do I do this? I have no freaking clue some days. But I do know why I can laugh. It is because of the two greatest guys in history. Smosh.

I had known about Smosh a little bit before I had started self-harm but wasn’t very in to it. I had only watched one or two videos by then and didn’t realize how amazing they were. Then one day, I saw Paranormal Easy Bake Oven and bursted out in joy and smiles. All I remember is that for the next few days, I just sat at my computer and watched more and more. Then I went on to Ian is Bored and Mail-time. Finally, a whole two months had past between the last time I had cut.

I eventually did cut again. The marks are still there and new ones appear from time to time but my life is so much better now that I have Smosh. Sure I’ll never be able to tell Ian I think he is hilarious or Anthony that he is great, but what they have done for me is more than enough. And if by chance, they are reading this, thank you <33.